1 00:00:02,983 --> 00:00:07,249 (music) Thank you for being a friend 2 00:00:07,321 --> 00:00:11,257 (music) Traveled down the road and back again 3 00:00:11,325 --> 00:00:12,724 (music) Your heart is true 4 00:00:12,793 --> 00:00:17,662 (music) You're a pal and a confidant 5 00:00:17,731 --> 00:00:21,724 (music) And if you threw a party 6 00:00:21,802 --> 00:00:26,068 (music) Invited everyone you knew 7 00:00:26,139 --> 00:00:27,868 (music) You would see 8 00:00:27,941 --> 00:00:30,535 (music) The biggest gift would be from me 9 00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:32,475 (music) And the card attached would say 10 00:00:32,546 --> 00:00:36,073 (music) Thank you for being a friend (music) 11 00:00:54,468 --> 00:00:56,766 [Door bell rings] 12 00:01:03,143 --> 00:01:05,304 Is this 6151 Richmond Street? 13 00:01:05,379 --> 00:01:08,280 - Ma, what's the matter? - Dorothy, thank God it's you. 14 00:01:08,348 --> 00:01:11,579 I broke my glasses at the mall and I can't see a thing. 15 00:01:11,651 --> 00:01:14,814 It took... it took me six hours to find my way home. 16 00:01:14,888 --> 00:01:18,585 Ma, if you couldn't see, why didn't you call me to come get you? 17 00:01:18,658 --> 00:01:21,752 I tried to, but every time I put in a dime and dialed, 18 00:01:21,828 --> 00:01:23,728 a condom popped out. 19 00:01:31,638 --> 00:01:35,039 I got five in my pocket. Here, Dorothy. 20 00:01:35,709 --> 00:01:37,404 A lifetime supply. 21 00:01:43,817 --> 00:01:47,583 Dorothy, which one of these necklaces looks better with this dress? 22 00:01:47,654 --> 00:01:49,747 This gold chain or the pearls? 23 00:01:49,823 --> 00:01:51,586 They both look nice, Blanche. 24 00:01:51,658 --> 00:01:53,353 I'm not sure about the pearls. 25 00:01:53,427 --> 00:01:55,827 Do pearls nestled in the ample cleavage 26 00:01:55,896 --> 00:01:58,626 revealed by my low-cut gown somehow might suggest 27 00:01:58,698 --> 00:02:01,792 I'm nothing but a cheap, easy, good time? 28 00:02:01,868 --> 00:02:02,994 They might. 29 00:02:03,069 --> 00:02:05,333 That settles it. Pearls it is. 30 00:02:05,405 --> 00:02:08,203 Blanche, you look terrific. 31 00:02:08,275 --> 00:02:10,300 You look like you lost 15 pounds. 32 00:02:10,377 --> 00:02:11,674 Thank you, Sophia. 33 00:02:11,745 --> 00:02:15,841 Oh, that's your thigh. I thought it was part of the couch. 34 00:02:17,284 --> 00:02:20,742 Blanche, try to remember, gravy isn't a beverage. 35 00:02:20,821 --> 00:02:23,619 Blanche, Ma broke her glasses. 36 00:02:23,690 --> 00:02:25,248 She can't see a thing. 37 00:02:25,325 --> 00:02:28,852 - [Blanche] Hi, Rose. - Hi, Rose. 38 00:02:28,929 --> 00:02:31,329 What's the matter, honey? Something wrong? 39 00:02:31,398 --> 00:02:36,131 Yes... no. Well, I guess yes and no. 40 00:02:36,203 --> 00:02:37,670 Honey, what is it? 41 00:02:38,405 --> 00:02:40,305 I found out this morning... 42 00:02:40,373 --> 00:02:42,705 I'm gonna be a mother again. 43 00:02:42,776 --> 00:02:44,937 We've been over this a hundred times. 44 00:02:45,011 --> 00:02:49,004 You cannot get pregnant using the toilet at the mall. 45 00:02:50,917 --> 00:02:52,077 I bet it's a boy. 46 00:02:52,152 --> 00:02:56,919 You're carrying really high in the front. 47 00:02:56,990 --> 00:03:00,187 I'm not having a baby. I'm getting a baby. 48 00:03:00,260 --> 00:03:02,854 I got a telegram that my Uncle Hingeblotter 49 00:03:02,929 --> 00:03:05,625 had passed away and left me custody of his baby. 50 00:03:05,699 --> 00:03:08,065 [Gasps] Oh, my God. 51 00:03:08,134 --> 00:03:09,431 What are you gonna do? 52 00:03:09,503 --> 00:03:10,800 I'm not sure. 53 00:03:10,871 --> 00:03:13,738 I've always dreamed of the chance to be a mother again, 54 00:03:13,807 --> 00:03:15,798 but it's a big responsibility. 55 00:03:15,876 --> 00:03:17,275 Oh, it sure is. 56 00:03:17,344 --> 00:03:19,938 I'm not sure I could raise another baby at my age, 57 00:03:20,013 --> 00:03:22,345 and I'm far younger than you. 58 00:03:22,415 --> 00:03:24,076 And prettier. 59 00:03:24,150 --> 00:03:26,550 Not that prettier has anything to do with it, 60 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:29,214 but I just am. 61 00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:36,426 You know, Rose, I have a confession to make. 62 00:03:36,496 --> 00:03:41,024 I have always dreamed of the chance to raise another baby. 63 00:03:41,101 --> 00:03:43,001 Well, Dorothy, if you're lucky, 64 00:03:43,069 --> 00:03:46,470 maybe someday one of your uncles will drop dead. 65 00:03:46,540 --> 00:03:50,067 What I mean, Rose, is that if you decide to raise this child, 66 00:03:50,143 --> 00:03:51,735 I think I'd like to help you. 67 00:03:51,811 --> 00:03:52,971 Really? 68 00:03:53,046 --> 00:03:56,243 Wait a minute, if you both want to raise this child, 69 00:03:56,316 --> 00:03:59,046 why, I might even consider it myself. 70 00:03:59,119 --> 00:04:01,781 But you said you didn't want to be a mother again. 71 00:04:01,855 --> 00:04:03,755 But I meant by myself. 72 00:04:03,823 --> 00:04:06,656 As long as you all are around to change its diapers 73 00:04:06,726 --> 00:04:08,956 and clean up when it spits up and pees, 74 00:04:09,029 --> 00:04:11,054 I'd love to be a mother again. 75 00:04:11,131 --> 00:04:13,099 Are you girls sure you wanna do this? 76 00:04:13,166 --> 00:04:15,634 Look, I know it's gonna be a lot of work, but... 77 00:04:15,702 --> 00:04:19,729 oh, it'd be worth it to hear a baby's laugh around the house. 78 00:04:19,806 --> 00:04:21,171 Oh, come on, let's do it. 79 00:04:21,241 --> 00:04:22,333 What do you say, Ma? 80 00:04:22,409 --> 00:04:23,637 What choice do I have? 81 00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:25,507 If I say no, I'll be back at the home 82 00:04:25,579 --> 00:04:27,911 building log cabins out of popsicle sticks. 83 00:04:27,981 --> 00:04:29,141 Then it's settled. 84 00:04:29,215 --> 00:04:32,048 I'll call the lawyer and tell him to bring the baby. 85 00:04:32,118 --> 00:04:34,109 Did he say if it's a boy or a girl? 86 00:04:34,187 --> 00:04:37,384 He didn't say, but it must be one or the other. 87 00:04:37,457 --> 00:04:40,551 You been watching PBS again, Rose? 88 00:04:40,627 --> 00:04:42,822 Dorothy? 89 00:04:42,896 --> 00:04:45,091 Dorothy, I'm going to my bedroom. 90 00:04:45,165 --> 00:04:47,395 I want to lie down for a while. 91 00:04:53,907 --> 00:04:56,432 [Brakes screech, horn honks] 92 00:04:57,143 --> 00:04:58,872 Ma? 93 00:04:58,945 --> 00:05:03,211 Dorothy, who the hell parked a Buick in my bedroom? 94 00:05:24,504 --> 00:05:26,472 Sophia! 95 00:05:27,907 --> 00:05:32,276 Rose, what are you doing in the bathroom? 96 00:05:32,345 --> 00:05:34,370 Ma, this is the kitchen. 97 00:05:34,447 --> 00:05:36,847 Oh, boy, if this is the kitchen, 98 00:05:36,916 --> 00:05:39,407 I'm poaching an egg in the toilet. 99 00:05:47,260 --> 00:05:50,093 Dorothy, look at this old picture I found. 100 00:05:50,163 --> 00:05:53,428 That's me at 15, standing next to my Uncle Hingeblotter. 101 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:54,694 Who's the other guy? 102 00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:57,794 That's my uncle's half-brother: Inkeblotter. 103 00:06:02,509 --> 00:06:04,409 Oh, girls, we have a big problem. 104 00:06:04,477 --> 00:06:05,705 What is it, Blanche? 105 00:06:05,779 --> 00:06:07,474 - Well, we're all women. - No. 106 00:06:07,547 --> 00:06:10,345 - Sure we are, Dorothy. - Oh, shut up. 107 00:06:12,619 --> 00:06:16,783 I'm reading the Spock book on baby care, and he says it's important for a child 108 00:06:16,856 --> 00:06:19,654 to have a male role model during its formative years. 109 00:06:19,726 --> 00:06:22,194 - What are we gonna do? - We'll wear Yankee caps 110 00:06:22,262 --> 00:06:25,390 and scratch our behinds after every beer. 111 00:06:29,803 --> 00:06:32,636 Oh, Blanche, we don't have anything to worry about. 112 00:06:32,706 --> 00:06:37,006 If we give that baby love and attention and understanding, it'll turn out fine. 113 00:06:37,077 --> 00:06:38,942 That's beautiful. 114 00:06:39,012 --> 00:06:41,810 Besides, what does Spock know about raising babies? 115 00:06:41,881 --> 00:06:45,214 On Vulcan, all the kids are born in pods. 116 00:06:50,690 --> 00:06:52,521 Rose, I know this is a long shot, 117 00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:56,494 but, did you take much acid during the '60s? 118 00:06:58,465 --> 00:07:00,160 [Doorbell rings] 119 00:07:05,705 --> 00:07:09,197 - Is, uh, Rose Nylund here? - I'm Rose Nylund. 120 00:07:09,275 --> 00:07:11,971 Well, I'm Chester T. McRainey, 121 00:07:12,045 --> 00:07:14,912 legal counsel to your late Uncle Hingeblotter. 122 00:07:14,981 --> 00:07:17,950 Oh, we've been waiting for you. Did you bring the baby? 123 00:07:18,017 --> 00:07:20,952 - I brought him. - Him, did you hear that, girls? 124 00:07:21,020 --> 00:07:23,386 Does he look anything like me? 125 00:07:23,456 --> 00:07:26,357 Uh, well... judge for yourself. 126 00:07:26,426 --> 00:07:30,362 Come on, Baby. Come on, Baby. 127 00:07:40,140 --> 00:07:44,406 Well, uh, maybe just a little around the eyes. 128 00:07:46,212 --> 00:07:49,147 What in hell is going on here? 129 00:07:49,215 --> 00:07:50,682 This is Baby. 130 00:07:50,750 --> 00:07:54,242 Five-time blue ribbon winner at the Minnesota State Fair. 131 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:57,517 This sweet little thing was your uncle's pride and joy. 132 00:07:57,590 --> 00:08:02,550 Oh, my God. That's the cutest baby I've ever seen. 133 00:08:02,629 --> 00:08:04,790 Ma, it's a pig! 134 00:08:04,864 --> 00:08:08,732 You were no great looker when I brought you home from the hospital. 135 00:08:08,802 --> 00:08:10,702 I loved you anyway. 136 00:08:10,770 --> 00:08:14,968 Well, he sure is cute. Come here, Baby. 137 00:08:15,041 --> 00:08:19,068 Oh, I haven't had a pig as a pet since I was a little girl. 138 00:08:19,145 --> 00:08:22,512 Just forget that. I want that filthy beast out of my house now. 139 00:08:22,582 --> 00:08:27,212 Fine, your cousin Gunther will be happy to take Baby, 140 00:08:27,287 --> 00:08:30,654 as well as the $100,000 that comes along with him. 141 00:08:30,723 --> 00:08:32,588 I beg your pardon? 142 00:08:32,659 --> 00:08:35,651 Uncle Hingeblotter was a very rich man. 143 00:08:35,728 --> 00:08:37,992 And he loved this pig dearly. 144 00:08:38,064 --> 00:08:40,760 That's why he left you $100,000 145 00:08:40,834 --> 00:08:43,598 to make sure Baby would be well taken care of. 146 00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,570 Well, I'd take care of him for free. 147 00:08:45,638 --> 00:08:48,539 Oh, shut up, Rose. 148 00:08:48,608 --> 00:08:50,974 How long does Rose have to take care of this pig 149 00:08:51,044 --> 00:08:52,534 before she gets the money? 150 00:08:52,612 --> 00:08:54,341 Well, as long as he lives. 151 00:08:54,414 --> 00:08:55,904 Oh, forget it. 152 00:08:55,982 --> 00:08:57,916 I'd split the money with you girls. 153 00:08:57,984 --> 00:08:59,076 Forget it. 154 00:08:59,152 --> 00:09:01,279 - How long does a pig live? - 25 years. 155 00:09:01,354 --> 00:09:02,514 Forget it. 156 00:09:02,589 --> 00:09:03,749 How old is this pig? 157 00:09:03,823 --> 00:09:04,812 29. 158 00:09:04,891 --> 00:09:07,883 Welcome, Baby! 159 00:09:22,075 --> 00:09:24,202 Hi, Dorothy. 160 00:09:27,046 --> 00:09:28,673 Hi, Ma. 161 00:09:28,748 --> 00:09:32,149 Dorothy, how do you make your voice do that? 162 00:09:32,218 --> 00:09:34,482 Here, honey, I picked up your new glasses. 163 00:09:34,554 --> 00:09:37,455 Oh, thank God. Now I can see. 164 00:09:37,523 --> 00:09:39,286 Wait a minute. These are no good. 165 00:09:39,359 --> 00:09:42,157 - The wrong prescription? - No, the wrong frames. 166 00:09:42,228 --> 00:09:45,686 I specifically asked for old lady smoky green. 167 00:09:45,765 --> 00:09:50,168 These are black. I look like Buddy Holly. 168 00:09:50,236 --> 00:09:53,569 There you are. You get in the kitchen and eat your slop 169 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,734 before I spank that little pink fanny. 170 00:09:56,809 --> 00:09:59,277 All right, I'm going. I'm going. 171 00:10:01,447 --> 00:10:05,315 Oh, sorry, that's the way they used to call us for dinner at the home. 172 00:10:05,385 --> 00:10:08,821 Go on, Baby, go on. Go on. 173 00:10:08,888 --> 00:10:11,118 Rose, I thought we decided that that pig 174 00:10:11,190 --> 00:10:13,090 was gonna stay in the pen out back. 175 00:10:13,159 --> 00:10:15,787 He didn't like it there. It was too confining. 176 00:10:15,862 --> 00:10:20,697 Oh, but Baby's a free spirit. A wanderer. A rebel. 177 00:10:20,767 --> 00:10:24,794 You know, in a lot of ways he reminds me of Jimmy Dean. 178 00:10:24,871 --> 00:10:28,307 The actor or the sausage? 179 00:10:33,246 --> 00:10:36,409 You know, Dorothy, I was thinking, 180 00:10:36,482 --> 00:10:40,145 how wonderful it is to have a pig living here. 181 00:10:42,355 --> 00:10:45,483 This morning I was all snugly warm under the covers 182 00:10:45,558 --> 00:10:48,493 and I opened my eyes and there was Baby, 183 00:10:48,561 --> 00:10:50,586 fast asleep at the foot of the bed, 184 00:10:50,663 --> 00:10:52,460 like a sweet angel. 185 00:10:53,466 --> 00:10:54,797 That is sweet. 186 00:10:54,867 --> 00:10:59,930 Rose, how long do you think it'll be before the pig is dead? 187 00:11:02,241 --> 00:11:05,335 - Did Baby do something wrong? - No, no. 188 00:11:05,411 --> 00:11:07,811 Not unless you count that when he burps, 189 00:11:07,880 --> 00:11:11,782 it smells like four burning tires. 190 00:11:13,419 --> 00:11:15,444 Girls, I'm just so mad. 191 00:11:15,521 --> 00:11:18,319 That pig tore up my nightgown last night. 192 00:11:18,391 --> 00:11:20,985 The people you date are from foreign countries. 193 00:11:21,060 --> 00:11:23,893 They play by different rules. 194 00:11:23,963 --> 00:11:26,295 Oh, I'm talking about Baby. 195 00:11:26,366 --> 00:11:30,268 I never should've let that barnyard beast in my house in the first place. 196 00:11:30,336 --> 00:11:33,328 He ruins my clothes, smells up the whole house, 197 00:11:33,406 --> 00:11:36,000 and he likes to watch me take a shower. 198 00:11:37,143 --> 00:11:40,579 He's a pig. There's no accounting for taste. 199 00:11:44,050 --> 00:11:46,985 I didn't realize Baby was such an inconvenience. 200 00:11:47,053 --> 00:11:48,782 I'm sorry. 201 00:11:48,855 --> 00:11:50,755 I'll call my relatives 202 00:11:50,823 --> 00:11:54,384 and see if somebody can take him off my hands. 203 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:56,451 Him, and the $100,000. 204 00:11:56,529 --> 00:11:59,191 Remember, Blanche, the pig is gonna drop any day. 205 00:11:59,265 --> 00:12:00,254 Rose. 206 00:12:00,333 --> 00:12:02,358 Come back here, honey. 207 00:12:02,435 --> 00:12:05,233 I guess maybe I was a little bit too hasty. 208 00:12:05,304 --> 00:12:07,363 Baby isn't really that much trouble. 209 00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:11,433 Heck, this is an old nightgown, and, well, he is kind of cute. 210 00:12:11,511 --> 00:12:13,775 He's not the first pig to watch you shower, 211 00:12:13,846 --> 00:12:16,178 and that's my last pig joke, I swear it. 212 00:12:21,254 --> 00:12:22,983 Then it's all right? He can stay? 213 00:12:23,056 --> 00:12:24,887 Well, of course he can, honey. 214 00:12:24,957 --> 00:12:27,221 That's great. I'll go tell him the good news. 215 00:12:27,293 --> 00:12:29,727 I won't be able to get off work tomorrow. 216 00:12:29,796 --> 00:12:32,594 Can somebody else give Baby his lunch? 217 00:12:33,599 --> 00:12:36,033 - Don't look at me. I won't do it. - Why not? 218 00:12:36,102 --> 00:12:38,297 What you two are doing is making me sick. 219 00:12:38,371 --> 00:12:41,135 Degrading yourself by living with a filthy animal. 220 00:12:41,207 --> 00:12:44,734 And for what? Money. It's humiliating. I don't want any part of it. 221 00:12:46,512 --> 00:12:49,379 - What if we cut you in? - What time does he eat? 222 00:12:51,084 --> 00:12:54,178 Girls, girls! Come quick, Baby just collapsed. 223 00:12:55,955 --> 00:12:59,049 25 grand in ten seconds? 224 00:12:59,125 --> 00:13:01,719 Now I know how Johnny Carson feels. 225 00:13:12,705 --> 00:13:15,674 Baby. Poor Baby. 226 00:13:15,741 --> 00:13:19,302 This morning he was so full of life, and now he looks just terrible. 227 00:13:19,378 --> 00:13:23,371 Rose, honey, don't torture yourself. Now, Baby is very, very old. 228 00:13:23,449 --> 00:13:27,442 Whenever one of God's creatures outlives its normal life expectancy, 229 00:13:27,520 --> 00:13:29,579 why, it can go any minute. 230 00:13:29,655 --> 00:13:32,488 Would you mind not looking at me when you say that? 231 00:13:35,528 --> 00:13:37,894 Does anybody know where the thermometer is? 232 00:13:37,964 --> 00:13:39,898 Sure, in the medicine cabinet. Why? 233 00:13:39,966 --> 00:13:41,957 I wanna take Baby's temperature. 234 00:13:42,034 --> 00:13:45,492 Although, I'm not sure what the normal temperature is for a pig. 235 00:13:45,571 --> 00:13:48,631 I know a ham turns out nicely at 325. 236 00:13:49,408 --> 00:13:51,205 Ohhhh. 237 00:13:53,446 --> 00:13:56,347 I'm sorry, Rose, I don't know what I'm talking about. 238 00:13:56,415 --> 00:13:58,713 I'm delirious with grief. 239 00:14:02,655 --> 00:14:06,989 So, what are you gonna do with your share of the money? 240 00:14:07,059 --> 00:14:10,392 Oh, come on, Blanche, the pig isn't dead. He's sick. 241 00:14:10,463 --> 00:14:12,590 The money never even crossed my mind. 242 00:14:12,665 --> 00:14:16,101 Then what were you doing with these EF Hutton brochures? 243 00:14:16,169 --> 00:14:18,000 Ma, you took those out of my purse. 244 00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:20,561 No, no, they fell out when I was taking out a 20. 245 00:14:22,175 --> 00:14:24,973 I'm sure not putting my money into stocks and bonds. 246 00:14:25,044 --> 00:14:28,207 Hey, this is found money. This is fun money. 247 00:14:28,281 --> 00:14:31,614 This is hot beaches and sweaty men money. 248 00:14:31,684 --> 00:14:35,120 Getting naked and rolling around on the ground money. 249 00:14:35,188 --> 00:14:38,919 Even your money has more fun than I do. 250 00:14:46,599 --> 00:14:47,861 [Dorothy laughs] 251 00:14:47,934 --> 00:14:49,993 Boy, it's great being rich. 252 00:14:50,069 --> 00:14:53,835 I can't believe we spent so much money that we don't have yet. 253 00:14:53,906 --> 00:14:56,466 Relax. When I looked in on Baby this morning, 254 00:14:56,542 --> 00:14:59,136 he was a half hour away from Sizzilean. 255 00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:03,371 Oh! Well, Rose Nylund, shame on you. 256 00:15:03,449 --> 00:15:06,577 With a gentleman caller in the middle of the afternoon. 257 00:15:06,652 --> 00:15:10,019 He's not a gentleman caller. He's a veterinarian, here to see Baby. 258 00:15:10,089 --> 00:15:11,488 - Oh. - Oh. 259 00:15:11,557 --> 00:15:13,184 Uh, how is Baby, doc? 260 00:15:13,259 --> 00:15:16,422 I read in Newsweek they ran him out of Haiti. 261 00:15:18,864 --> 00:15:20,229 How is Baby? 262 00:15:20,299 --> 00:15:21,994 Not very well, I'm afraid. 263 00:15:22,068 --> 00:15:24,628 I don't think he has much time left. 264 00:15:24,704 --> 00:15:26,695 - Oh, that's too bad. - Tragic. 265 00:15:26,772 --> 00:15:28,467 - Terrible. - But there's hope! 266 00:15:28,541 --> 00:15:30,202 [All three] What? 267 00:15:30,276 --> 00:15:33,609 There's really nothing wrong with Baby, physically. 268 00:15:33,679 --> 00:15:35,306 He has a mental problem. 269 00:15:35,381 --> 00:15:38,248 Four grown women decide to live with a pig, 270 00:15:38,317 --> 00:15:40,911 and he's the one with the mental problem? 271 00:15:42,555 --> 00:15:45,456 Well, I wouldn't exactly call it a mental problem. 272 00:15:45,524 --> 00:15:48,721 When you take an animal out of its natural environment, 273 00:15:48,794 --> 00:15:52,594 it's not uncommon for it to have a hard time adjusting to new surroundings. 274 00:15:52,665 --> 00:15:56,863 Are you trying to tell us that that pig is dying of homesickness? 275 00:15:56,936 --> 00:15:58,665 In a way, yes. 276 00:15:58,738 --> 00:16:01,332 My recommendation is to get him back to the farm. 277 00:16:01,407 --> 00:16:03,875 Once he's home, he should do a lot better. 278 00:16:03,943 --> 00:16:06,070 - Thank you very much. - [Rose] Thank you. 279 00:16:06,145 --> 00:16:09,137 Oh, I guess we have no choice. 280 00:16:09,215 --> 00:16:12,013 I'll call my relatives in Minnesota and make arrangements 281 00:16:12,084 --> 00:16:13,551 to send Baby to the farm. 282 00:16:13,619 --> 00:16:14,950 [All] No! 283 00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:17,888 I'm just as disappointed as you are! 284 00:16:17,957 --> 00:16:21,825 Oh, it's been great having a pig living in the house. 285 00:16:21,894 --> 00:16:25,125 But we can't jeopardize Baby's health, the doctor said so. 286 00:16:25,197 --> 00:16:28,325 Please, what does he know? He's not a real doctor. 287 00:16:28,401 --> 00:16:32,167 He makes his living sticking thermometers up a cat's behind. 288 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:36,508 Well, I don't know, he seemed pretty sure. 289 00:16:36,575 --> 00:16:38,668 Honey, doctors make mistakes, too. 290 00:16:38,744 --> 00:16:41,269 I still think we ought to send Baby home. 291 00:16:41,347 --> 00:16:43,975 Rose, do you realize how far away home is? 292 00:16:44,050 --> 00:16:47,713 Baby is sick. Why, the plane trip alone could kill him. 293 00:16:47,787 --> 00:16:50,017 [Blanche] Even if he did get home safely, 294 00:16:50,089 --> 00:16:52,080 who knows what kind of care he'd get? 295 00:16:52,158 --> 00:16:54,558 Nobody loves that pig as much as you do. 296 00:16:54,627 --> 00:16:56,254 As much as we all do. 297 00:16:56,329 --> 00:17:01,198 If you all think it's best, I guess he should stay. 298 00:17:01,267 --> 00:17:04,464 Oh, thank you for caring so much. 299 00:17:04,537 --> 00:17:07,438 I want you to know that poor, sick, helpless pig in there 300 00:17:07,506 --> 00:17:09,701 appreciates what you're doing, too. 301 00:17:09,775 --> 00:17:11,367 I'm gonna look in on Baby. 302 00:17:11,444 --> 00:17:14,971 You're the best friends I've ever had in my life. 303 00:17:17,049 --> 00:17:19,108 I feel terrible. 304 00:17:19,185 --> 00:17:21,244 I feel miserable. 305 00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:23,254 Let's go shopping. 306 00:17:32,698 --> 00:17:34,393 Hi, Dorothy. 307 00:17:34,467 --> 00:17:36,230 Oh, Blanche, Blanche. 308 00:17:36,302 --> 00:17:37,860 I am so glad you came back. 309 00:17:37,937 --> 00:17:41,202 - Listen, I have to talk to you. - I have to talk to you, too. 310 00:17:41,273 --> 00:17:42,604 And it's about the money. 311 00:17:42,675 --> 00:17:45,405 That's exactly what I wanted to talk to you about. 312 00:17:45,478 --> 00:17:46,775 I have been so worried. 313 00:17:46,846 --> 00:17:49,474 The way we've been spending this money is wrong. 314 00:17:49,548 --> 00:17:52,517 Blanche, I could not agree with you more. 315 00:17:52,585 --> 00:17:55,179 Honey, I've been up half the night worrying 316 00:17:55,254 --> 00:17:58,485 about how foolish we've been, spending all that money 317 00:17:58,557 --> 00:18:02,516 on silly little things that we don't need. 318 00:18:02,595 --> 00:18:04,256 I am so relieved. 319 00:18:04,330 --> 00:18:06,264 Oh, I just knew you would agree 320 00:18:06,332 --> 00:18:11,360 that combining our money to buy one big thing was the best idea. 321 00:18:11,437 --> 00:18:14,668 I just hope you like it in light blue. 322 00:18:14,740 --> 00:18:16,503 Like what in light blue? 323 00:18:16,575 --> 00:18:20,136 - [Car horn honks] - We'll be right out, Sophia. 324 00:18:20,212 --> 00:18:22,373 - Blanche, that's a Mercedes. - I know it. 325 00:18:22,448 --> 00:18:24,848 Don't you just love it? It's ours. 326 00:18:24,917 --> 00:18:26,680 Blanche, you don't understand. 327 00:18:26,752 --> 00:18:29,550 I wanted to give up the money and send Baby home. 328 00:18:29,622 --> 00:18:31,214 No, you can't do that. 329 00:18:31,290 --> 00:18:32,882 We lied to Rose. 330 00:18:32,958 --> 00:18:35,950 We tricked her into jeopardizing the life of an animal, 331 00:18:36,028 --> 00:18:37,757 just to make a fast buck. 332 00:18:37,830 --> 00:18:39,889 We have to tell her the truth. 333 00:18:39,965 --> 00:18:41,660 I cannot let you do this. 334 00:18:41,734 --> 00:18:43,031 Get out of my way. 335 00:18:43,102 --> 00:18:45,502 I want that car. I will give you anything. 336 00:18:45,571 --> 00:18:47,630 We have to tell Rose the truth. 337 00:18:47,706 --> 00:18:49,697 I'll give you one of my sons. 338 00:18:52,445 --> 00:18:54,310 I have given this a lot of thought. 339 00:18:54,380 --> 00:18:57,008 I have had four kids, I have never had a Mercedes. 340 00:18:57,082 --> 00:18:59,175 What do you say? Which one do you want? 341 00:18:59,251 --> 00:19:03,813 Biff, Doug, Skippy? No, don't take Skippy, he's got asthma. 342 00:19:03,889 --> 00:19:06,449 Blanche, this has gone far enough. 343 00:19:12,731 --> 00:19:15,529 Rose? Honey, I want to talk to you. 344 00:19:15,601 --> 00:19:17,466 Now don't bother Rose. She's busy. 345 00:19:17,536 --> 00:19:18,696 Oh, it's okay. 346 00:19:18,771 --> 00:19:21,763 I was just thumbing through the old family album. 347 00:19:21,841 --> 00:19:24,901 Here's a picture of Baby when he was younger. 348 00:19:24,977 --> 00:19:26,945 Wasn't he an impressive sight? 349 00:19:27,012 --> 00:19:28,843 Oh, yes, Rose. 350 00:19:28,914 --> 00:19:32,543 But then again, who isn't when he's caught relieving himself 351 00:19:32,618 --> 00:19:35,553 and eating dinner at the same time? 352 00:19:38,257 --> 00:19:42,284 Well, I think Baby looks a whole lot better today. 353 00:19:42,361 --> 00:19:45,194 A pig isn't supposed to be green, Blanche. 354 00:19:45,264 --> 00:19:46,492 Oh! 355 00:19:46,565 --> 00:19:48,465 Rose, I have a confession to make. 356 00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:51,628 When I said I thought Baby shouldn't go back to the farm, 357 00:19:51,704 --> 00:19:54,969 I wasn't thinking of him. I was thinking of myself. 358 00:19:55,040 --> 00:19:58,498 I was acting out of greed. I wanted the money. 359 00:19:58,577 --> 00:20:01,341 Dorothy, I am shocked! 360 00:20:04,183 --> 00:20:08,620 Oh, so am I! I can't believe you lied to me. 361 00:20:08,687 --> 00:20:10,780 Well, now don't be too hard on her, Rose. 362 00:20:10,856 --> 00:20:13,347 She may have been doing it for the wrong reason, 363 00:20:13,425 --> 00:20:17,691 at least the decision was right because Baby is better off here. 364 00:20:18,364 --> 00:20:20,730 Why ya'll looking at me like I'm a murderer? 365 00:20:20,799 --> 00:20:23,267 This pig is dying because he's old and sick. 366 00:20:23,335 --> 00:20:26,668 I refuse to even entertain the notion that he's slipping away 367 00:20:26,739 --> 00:20:29,936 because he's homesick for this godforsaken place. 368 00:20:30,009 --> 00:20:33,638 - [Baby squeals] - What's going on? 369 00:20:33,712 --> 00:20:37,409 He recognizes the picture of Uncle Hingeblotter's farm. 370 00:20:37,483 --> 00:20:41,419 Oh, my God! He is homesick. 371 00:20:41,487 --> 00:20:43,978 I'm a murderer. 372 00:20:44,056 --> 00:20:46,752 I'm nothing but no-good money-grubbing trash. 373 00:20:46,825 --> 00:20:48,156 Baby, forgive me. 374 00:20:48,227 --> 00:20:50,058 Blanche, get a hold of yourself. 375 00:20:51,697 --> 00:20:54,097 Rose, I apologize. 376 00:20:54,166 --> 00:20:56,361 Rose, so do I. 377 00:20:56,435 --> 00:21:00,929 Oh, Rose, can you ever forgive us? 378 00:21:02,841 --> 00:21:05,309 Rose. 379 00:21:07,279 --> 00:21:09,770 - I don't know. - Oh, honey, please. 380 00:21:09,848 --> 00:21:13,648 We're really sorry. 381 00:21:13,719 --> 00:21:17,621 Well, I might forgive you, but I can't speak for Baby. 382 00:21:17,690 --> 00:21:21,592 Is there something we can do to smooth things over? 383 00:21:21,660 --> 00:21:23,525 Well... 384 00:21:23,596 --> 00:21:26,326 A kiss on the nose might be a nice gesture. 385 00:21:35,808 --> 00:21:40,643 Oh, I never can stay mad at you silly gooses. 386 00:21:40,713 --> 00:21:42,044 What's going on? 387 00:21:42,114 --> 00:21:44,947 Oh, Ma, Baby's going home. 388 00:21:45,017 --> 00:21:46,917 May he rest in peace. 389 00:21:46,986 --> 00:21:49,716 Ma, Baby isn't dead. 390 00:21:49,788 --> 00:21:51,983 We've decided to send him back to the farm 391 00:21:52,057 --> 00:21:53,854 and give up the money. 392 00:21:53,926 --> 00:21:55,723 Wait a minute. 393 00:21:55,794 --> 00:21:57,557 Let me get this straight. 394 00:21:57,630 --> 00:21:59,894 We lived with a filthy pig in our house, 395 00:21:59,965 --> 00:22:02,593 bought a bunch of stuff on credit we can't afford, 396 00:22:02,668 --> 00:22:05,159 and now we're gonna kiss off 100,000 bucks 397 00:22:05,237 --> 00:22:07,467 because the pig is homesick? 398 00:22:07,539 --> 00:22:09,131 That's right. 399 00:22:09,208 --> 00:22:13,235 Sometimes life really bites the big one. 400 00:22:23,122 --> 00:22:24,384 Hi, Sophia. 401 00:22:24,456 --> 00:22:26,651 I see you finally got your new glasses. 402 00:22:26,725 --> 00:22:28,784 Yeah, I also got these... 403 00:22:28,861 --> 00:22:31,830 to beg for spare change on the corner. 404 00:22:31,897 --> 00:22:35,731 That is enough! Now look, we have to stop this moping around. 405 00:22:35,801 --> 00:22:37,962 So we don't have the money anymore. 406 00:22:38,037 --> 00:22:41,200 I mean, we still have a great deal to be thankful for. 407 00:22:41,273 --> 00:22:45,175 We live in a lovely home, we have our health and each other. 408 00:22:45,244 --> 00:22:49,738 I'll tell you the truth. When we had the money, we did crazy, ridiculous things. 409 00:22:49,815 --> 00:22:51,544 To be honest, I'm glad it's gone. 410 00:22:51,617 --> 00:22:55,178 Girls, my cousin who took Baby just sent us a letter. 411 00:22:55,254 --> 00:22:57,154 Please let there be cash in it! 412 00:22:57,222 --> 00:23:00,157 I can't stand being poor another day. 413 00:23:00,225 --> 00:23:01,692 Oh, I'm sorry. 414 00:23:04,296 --> 00:23:05,854 "Dear Rose. 415 00:23:05,931 --> 00:23:08,900 Just wanted to let you know Baby arrived safely. 416 00:23:08,967 --> 00:23:12,027 He was really happy to be back on the farm. 417 00:23:12,104 --> 00:23:15,904 His last 36 hours on this good earth were..." 418 00:23:15,974 --> 00:23:18,841 What? What? 419 00:23:18,911 --> 00:23:21,573 Baby died. 420 00:23:21,647 --> 00:23:23,808 Poor Baby. 421 00:23:23,882 --> 00:23:26,180 Poor Baby! 422 00:23:26,251 --> 00:23:29,311 Well, I guess he wasn't homesick after all. 423 00:23:29,388 --> 00:23:30,616 Just old. 424 00:23:30,689 --> 00:23:34,147 And for this I fought my way back from a stroke? 425 00:23:35,894 --> 00:23:38,124 I cannot believe this. 426 00:23:38,197 --> 00:23:40,722 If he had stayed here another lousy day and a half, 427 00:23:40,799 --> 00:23:42,266 we'd be rich! 428 00:23:42,334 --> 00:23:43,460 [Car horn honks] 429 00:23:43,535 --> 00:23:44,900 What was that? 430 00:23:45,804 --> 00:23:47,931 Oh, no! 431 00:23:48,006 --> 00:23:50,907 Oh, they've come to tow away our Mercedes. 432 00:23:50,976 --> 00:23:54,605 Oh, now I am really depressed. 433 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,979 I never even got a chance to ride in it. 434 00:23:58,851 --> 00:24:01,012 [Dorothy] Boy, what a great idea. 435 00:24:01,086 --> 00:24:04,681 - [Blanche] Isn't it luxurious? - [Rose] And the engine's so quiet. 436 00:24:06,125 --> 00:24:09,526 [Sophia] There's Alice Feinbaum. Look at her, green with envy. 437 00:24:09,595 --> 00:24:12,530 Eat your heart out, Feinbaum!